I Heart Fall

Fall is my absolute favorite season of the year.  I love everything about it- the leaves, the cooler temperatures, football, everything pumpkin, the scents, and the list could go on and on.  So, you can probably guess that I am struggling to adjust to fall in Florida, which is just a slightly cooler extension of summer.

This is my idea of a perfect fall...

Needless to say that is not my current experience of fall.  But I do love almost everything else about living in Florida, so I am trying not to complain too much about it and make the most of it.  So, one of the first boxes that I opened at the new house was the one with my fall decorations in it.  If it can't look like fall outside, then I am going to do my darnedest to make it feel, smell, taste, and look like fall inside.

There you go- Fall in Florida :)

Lucky Number 7

On October 3, Josh and I closed on our house. This will be the 7th place that we have lived since June 2006, when we got married. Seven is a special number in the Bible and hopefully, it will be the same for us. It still feels surreal that we will be in the house for years, not simply months as the previous 4 places have been. As a symbol of us putting down roots here in Tampa, Josh is throwing away the boxes! So, here are some before pictures for your enjoyment. The new and improved version to come...

                                                     
                                                       Entry way and doors to my office.

                                                                     Master bedroom

                                  Master bathroom- What do you guys think of the color choice? Ugh!

                                                                       Dining room

                                                                 HUGE laundry room

                                                                          Guest room

                                                        Front of the house pre-landscaping


 As of now, we have painted the family room, kitchen, living room/dining room, office and master bedroom. It looks soooo much better! Pictures to come.

 The fall decorations are out and the Vols are playing Alabama. All is good in the world!

Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Brett and Lauren Denton

CONGRATULATIONS to my baby sister and her now husband (my new brother)!

They became man and wife on September 3, 2011. Blessed to be apart of their lives and their special day (a more detailed blog to follow).

I Can Forgive

I love my church (Grace Family Church) and one of the many reasons is because our pastor doesn't shy away from the tough issues. The current sermon series is entitled, Freedom, and in this week's message, Pastor Craig talked about how lack of forgiveness can be a roadblock to freedom in our lives. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was totally prepared to zone out of the service this morning. I wasn't feeling well, and my thoughts were consumed of all the things that I still had to do today. I also knew for a fact that I didn't have forgiveness issues. In fact, I consider that to be one of my strengths, being able to forgive and move on.

During the worship time, I was feeling guilty for having predetermined that I wasn't going to get anything out of the message. So, I whispered a quick prayer that God would reveal at least one tidbit that I could take away from the message. You probably know where I'm going with this. When we expect little from God, he shows up in a BIG way. And that is exactly what he did this morning. Pastor Craig asked us to put the name of the individual we needed to forgive on an index card and then we were to place the card at the altar as a symbol that we were removing that obstacle of unforgiveness from our life. As I sat there racking my brain for the person I was supposed to forgive, all that came to mind were trivial things like how Josh hadn't washed the dishes last night or how my sister had forgotten to thank me for doing her a favor, neither situation which would merit holding a grudge. And then it hit me right there in my gut. You know the kind of feeling that makes your stomach and your heart hurt at the same time, and it becomes hard to breathe. I knew without a doubt the name that I had to write down on the card. I knew right then that I was wrong, I did have a forgiveness issue and it was a major one. The person that I needed to forgive, the grudge that was keeping me from experiencing freedom was ME.

I have no problem forgiving others when they hurt me, but I had not been able to forgive myself for years. Even though others had forgiven me long ago and relationships have been restored, I have been continuing to punish myself for my indiscretions, not feeling worthy of forgiveness. I realized this morning, pen shaking in my hand as I wrote my name on the card, that my inability to forgive myself has robbed me of joy in my life, that feeling like I am unworthy of forgiveness has diminished Christ's power of restoration. By resisting healing, I have been indicating to God that I do not believe in his redeeming grace. As all these thoughts were swirling in my head, I had to fight hard to keep the tears from falling as I thought of how much I have missed, of how I could have traded years of feeling worthless and ruined for the great joy that comes from finding freedom in perfect love.

I walked up to the front, dropped my card on the platform, and vowed to throw off the chains of unforgiveness. How can I argue with God, who sent his Son to the cross to pay the price for all sin, and claim to be the exception to His grace? I CANNOT.

"My grace is sufficient for you..." 2 Corinthians 12:9

A New School Year

Yesterday started another school year for me, the LAST school year!!! I cannot in words convey the full extent of my excitement. If you know me, you know that I love school. Well, gosh, I must, since I've been in school for the last 22 years! But now I can say without reservation that I am ready to be done. School for me is over forever. I am usually not this decided about anything. Just ask my family and friends. I tend to be very wishy washy and shy away from making decisions. But I have officially decided that Ashley Hawk will not be enrolling in any type of school ever again!

I think one of the reasons that God placed me on the path of law school is so I would finally be ready to close that chapter of my life- being a student. Law school has been nothing like the rest of the my school experience. Yes, there is the occasional joy of learning something new, but for the most part it is intense and draining and hard to enjoy due to the sheer amount of work. So, therefore I am done as of May 12, 2012! There are some things about being in school that I will miss like the excitement of buying school supplies or Spring Break or having a flexible schedule, but that's why you have kids, right?

I tried to explain it to someone the other day that being in graduate school is like being in a holding pattern. You really want to land the plane, but you can't. I feel that my life in a way has been on hold for the past 5 years, and I am so ready to land the plane! While I am so grateful for the privilege and opportunity to go to graduate school and now law school, and I know that my law degree is necessary for me to fulfill my calling, I can't help but wonder if remaining in school has been my way of avoiding the future, of hanging onto the known so I don't have to venture into the unknown. But I am now happy to say that I have matured and am ready to face life full on, full of its challenges and trials. I am ready to break my holding pattern and land the plane. Some people reach this point in their life far earlier than I have and for that, they are fortunate, but I hold no regrets because this is my life and this is my journey!

So, to the LAST year of school, "Welcome, I've been waiting for you!"

The Deglers Go on Vacation

The Deglers came to visit us this past weekend! They are some of our very best friends from Kentucky, and it was soooo good to see them again. They stayed with us in our 2 bedroom apartment, which was just a tad bit crowded with all 6 of us. I don't know how some people live like that permanently. But is was so much fun. We packed a lot of activities into the 3 1/2 days they were here.

THURSDAY
They arrived Thursday night and we headed down to Channelside to eat at a japanese place down there. Then we grabbed ice cream at Coldstone. Yum, yum!

FRIDAY
On Friday, we went to Busch Gardens all day. Below are some great pictures from the day. We had a great time and really only had to stay in line for one rollercoaster. The most funny thing from the day was that after we rode Kumba (rollercoaster), we went to see our picture and the guy said that he couldn't show it to us because Beth was flipping the camera off. For those of you who know Beth, you know that that was absolutely not true! hahaha

SATURDAY
On Saturday, we went to Passe Grille beach, which is a nice, quiet beach in St. Petersburg. We only stayed for a couple of hours as Josh had to be back to preach that night. We played Kan Jam and frisbee in the ocean. Chris reapplied sunscreen like 3 times and sat with a towel around him most of the day to keep from getting burned. That night we went to the 5:00 service at church and then went to eat at a great restaurant in Tampa, Ballyhoo. After Josh finished preaching, we went to see Super 8. I was fighting to stay awake the whole movie, so I didn't enjoy it as much as I probably would have.

SUNDAY
On Sunday, we had a quiet morning waiting for Josh to finish preaching. Then we went down to John's Pass, which is a great boardwalk area. We rented wave runners to ride on the ocean. Nicholas kept pointing out to me how slow I was driving. The waves make me nervous and I don't want to be thrown off to the sharks! After the wave runners, we ate at Bubba Gump!

If you know the Deglers, you know that you will always come away from spending time with them with a load of funny stories. Most of my Degler stories are Chris stories, but the best one this trip was from Nicholas. In our apartment complex, the gate closes after 7PM and you have to use a card to get in. We told Nicholas that we have to pay $5 every time we use the card. He believed us the whole weekend. Then on Saturday night we were having to use the card to get in and told Nicholas that it was his turn to pay. He said, "Mom I'm not stupid. Josh already told me that they have a season pass!" HAHAHAHA We finally told him the truth on Sunday.

Below are some pictures from the trip:

Summer Internship

Since I transferred this past semester from the University of Kentucky to Stetson College of Law, I lost some credits which has forced me to take summer classes. After taking summer classes during my master's program, I swore I would never take them again. Who likes going to school during the summer, especially in sunny Florida??? But my choices were to go to school during the summer or graduate in December 2012 instead of May 2012. Not even a choice-- of course, I am graduating in May!

So, this summer I am taking 2 classes, one at school and one online, and I am doing an internship for class credit. I am so glad that I got the placement I did with my internship. I was placed at the Bay Area Legal Services (www.bals.org). BALS is an organization that operates under private grant funding to provide legal services to people who can't afford hiring a private attorney. Their services include representing clients in domestic violence cases, elder abuse, child neglect and abuse, and divorces where domestic violence is present. My very first day there I had the privilege of attending one of their meetings where former clients spoke about how BALS had helped them in their situations. It was so neat to hear the testimonies. One man who has 3 young children came to BALS because his wife was being abusive to him and the kids and was not caring for the children at all. He found out later that while he was working 16 hour shifts, his wife would keep the babies drugged and sedated because she didn't want to bother with them. Then when he came home, the kids would be wide awake and he would have to stay up to take care of him. He shared how BALS had helped him file for divorce and had also helped him get the resources he needed to take for his 3 children. I sat there in the meeting thinking, 'WOW, I would love to work at this place.'

I am excited about the opportunities this internship may bring, and I am also praying that doors will be opened so that in May 2012 when I graduate, I will have a job, whether or not it is with BALS. For the longest time, it seemed that my career was so far off, something in the distance, and now all of the sudden, it looks like it might become actually become a reality. I know that God has placed a passion in my heart to work at an organization like BALS. I know that all the schooling and student loans were not in vain. I know God has a plan for my life, a plan to use my gifts and talents for his glory. I know this now, but I have doubted it so many times. I doubted it after I finished my master's only to be turned down for so many jobs. I doubted is as I bounced around from one part-time job to another. I doubted it as I watched my friends begin their careers. I doubted it in law school as I sat beside students younger and smarter than me. I know that a job is not everything and that it doesn't define you, but it is a desire of my heart. It is a way that I believe God will use me. I have the privilege of watching God use Josh in his job everyday, and I see how much joy he has in doing what he loves and was created to do. I long for that and know it will be worth the wait. I almost cried sitting in that meeting last week because I could see the promise of a plan for my life at work. Even if it is not at BALS, I know that I will be making a difference somewhere in Tampa, and that one day, I will be listening to my clients' stories. I CAN'T WAIT!