As I await the birth of my second son, I've been thinking back to those first few days and months of motherhood and how exciting, precious, exhausting, and down right hard that time was. There are a lot of books out there that do an adequate job of preparing you for this new role, but nothing can set the stage like experience. So now that I've had time to reflect, these are a few things I would tell my pre-mommy self.
Dear Young, Naive, and Expectant Ashley,
You are about to enter into the BIGGEST transition of your life. Yes, bigger than college, bigger than marriage, bigger than moving. And while change, especially this one, can be quite exciting, it also comes with challenges and obstacles and a lot of unknowns. Don't worry, you are equipped more than you know. God has placed a mothering ability inside of you but that doesn't mean it will be easy.
Here is what you need to know to make the journey a little easier and a lot more joyful:
1) This baby is entering YOUR life. And it is a good life, and it is a life that can provide for a child. Will there be changes? Inevitably. But don't change EVERYTHING. Babies are flexible and they flourish more from having happy mothers than from a mother who does everything by the book. Keep the things you love about your life and your baby will adjust to that. Don't lose your life just because you have another life to care for.
2) Don't be afraid to let babies be babies. Don't stay home just to avoid the embarrassment of your child screaming all the way through Target. Don't refuse the help that is offered because you don't want to burden the cheerful helper. I promise if she's asked to help, she knows what she's getting into. Don't apologize for your baby being a baby. His behavior is not a reflection on you...not yet. Anybody who has children is sympathetic toward you and those who don't have children yet will one day walk in your shoes.
3) Ask for help. This is definitely still the hardest for me. But it's ok. We all come to our breaking points and we all need a little help once in awhile. Don't live your life alone. It's a very lonely place to be. Trust me. If you ask someone and they can't that particular day, ask somebody else!
4) Do things you love. And do them often. Babies can be exhausting and life-sucking, so you need plenty of life-giving things in your life. You taking time out for the things you love will make you a much better mother, and you will be better able to appreciate the full miracle of your child. If you don't take time out for you, your child becomes a chore and not a blessing.
5) Understand there is no perfect parent and no perfect step-by-step plan to parenting. There is a lot of good advice out there and a lot of good guidance. But don't let a book make you feel like a parenting failure if your child doesn't fall into line with the 12 step plan. Trust your instincts and know you will make mistakes. "Love covers a multitude of sins" applies to parenting too. Loving your child will make up for the many things you mess up and the countless mistakes you make.
You're going to be a great mother! And one day you will be wise enough to share your experiences with the next generation of new mothers.
Ashley
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