As I await the birth of my second son, I've been thinking back to those first few days and months of motherhood and how exciting, precious, exhausting, and down right hard that time was. There are a lot of books out there that do an adequate job of preparing you for this new role, but nothing can set the stage like experience. So now that I've had time to reflect, these are a few things I would tell my pre-mommy self.
Dear Young, Naive, and Expectant Ashley,
You are about to enter into the BIGGEST transition of your life. Yes, bigger than college, bigger than marriage, bigger than moving. And while change, especially this one, can be quite exciting, it also comes with challenges and obstacles and a lot of unknowns. Don't worry, you are equipped more than you know. God has placed a mothering ability inside of you but that doesn't mean it will be easy.
Here is what you need to know to make the journey a little easier and a lot more joyful:
1) This baby is entering YOUR life. And it is a good life, and it is a life that can provide for a child. Will there be changes? Inevitably. But don't change EVERYTHING. Babies are flexible and they flourish more from having happy mothers than from a mother who does everything by the book. Keep the things you love about your life and your baby will adjust to that. Don't lose your life just because you have another life to care for.
2) Don't be afraid to let babies be babies. Don't stay home just to avoid the embarrassment of your child screaming all the way through Target. Don't refuse the help that is offered because you don't want to burden the cheerful helper. I promise if she's asked to help, she knows what she's getting into. Don't apologize for your baby being a baby. His behavior is not a reflection on you...not yet. Anybody who has children is sympathetic toward you and those who don't have children yet will one day walk in your shoes.
3) Ask for help. This is definitely still the hardest for me. But it's ok. We all come to our breaking points and we all need a little help once in awhile. Don't live your life alone. It's a very lonely place to be. Trust me. If you ask someone and they can't that particular day, ask somebody else!
4) Do things you love. And do them often. Babies can be exhausting and life-sucking, so you need plenty of life-giving things in your life. You taking time out for the things you love will make you a much better mother, and you will be better able to appreciate the full miracle of your child. If you don't take time out for you, your child becomes a chore and not a blessing.
5) Understand there is no perfect parent and no perfect step-by-step plan to parenting. There is a lot of good advice out there and a lot of good guidance. But don't let a book make you feel like a parenting failure if your child doesn't fall into line with the 12 step plan. Trust your instincts and know you will make mistakes. "Love covers a multitude of sins" applies to parenting too. Loving your child will make up for the many things you mess up and the countless mistakes you make.
You're going to be a great mother! And one day you will be wise enough to share your experiences with the next generation of new mothers.
Ashley
Monday, August 4, 2014
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Day 16: Dare to Transition
Today at church, one of the women from our Beautiful women's ministry spoke in our Hall of Fame series about Rahab. She did a phenomenal job, and I LOVE that I go to a church that values women and puts them in positions of leadership. Anyway, I wanted to jot down some notes from her sermon in a place where I can't lose them.
- Rahab was stuck in a place of shame, but God offered her a unique transition.
- God opens the door, will we choose to walk through it?
What gave Rahab the courage to step out of her comfort zone and betray her people by hiding the Israelite spies?
- Rahab heard the stories about the God of Israel.
- Rahab believed the stories.
- Rahab acted on what she heard and believed.
- Rahab acted on faith because she believed, not just in the stories but in the power of the God behind them.
- Doing the right thing is often the scariest, most vulnerable thing because it demands we act on what we believe.
What unique transition is God offering me in my life right now? And do I have the courage to act on what I believe?
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Day 15: Rest
Disclosure: Stream of consciousness writing ahead. Very rough draft. Keeping it real :)
I have been toying with the idea of rest over the last couple of days. In particular, what God says about rest. We all know that we need sleep to function, and we know that God commands us to rest on the Sabbath. There are also verses about being still and resting in him by handing over our burdens. I often take "rest" out of the biblical context though and add my own definitions. We use the word "rest" in the sense that it is something that we deserve after a hard day or when we have taken on too many responsibilities (in our opinion). I don't necessarily think that "rest" is something we deserve or a right we get when we work hard. God does say he provides rest for the weary, but he also says he will renew our strength when we are tired. I had this sudden revelation today that "rest" isn't supposed to be something that I schedule in my day, but rather something that God provides for me. It isn't a right I deserve but a blessing he gives. He does command us to be still, but it is in order for us "to know he is God" and not for us to watch tv or take a nap. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying those things are bad. Believe me, I do my fair share. This has just been a new concept I have been thinking about, and these are my current thoughts on the matter and by no means, the authority on the situation. I think too often I am wary to commit to something, or I justify not doing house chores or other responsibilities because I think I need a time of rest, instead of trusting God that he will give me the rest I need. This week, I have been trying to rest less and let God provide the rest for me, and as a result, I have procrastinated less on tasks and have had less regret at the end of the day. Even though I have done less sitting on the couch, I have had more than enough energy to get me through the day, maybe more. I do believe that we need rest and even long periods or seasons of rest, but I'm trying to think less in terms that I deserve it and more that God provides it.
I have been toying with the idea of rest over the last couple of days. In particular, what God says about rest. We all know that we need sleep to function, and we know that God commands us to rest on the Sabbath. There are also verses about being still and resting in him by handing over our burdens. I often take "rest" out of the biblical context though and add my own definitions. We use the word "rest" in the sense that it is something that we deserve after a hard day or when we have taken on too many responsibilities (in our opinion). I don't necessarily think that "rest" is something we deserve or a right we get when we work hard. God does say he provides rest for the weary, but he also says he will renew our strength when we are tired. I had this sudden revelation today that "rest" isn't supposed to be something that I schedule in my day, but rather something that God provides for me. It isn't a right I deserve but a blessing he gives. He does command us to be still, but it is in order for us "to know he is God" and not for us to watch tv or take a nap. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying those things are bad. Believe me, I do my fair share. This has just been a new concept I have been thinking about, and these are my current thoughts on the matter and by no means, the authority on the situation. I think too often I am wary to commit to something, or I justify not doing house chores or other responsibilities because I think I need a time of rest, instead of trusting God that he will give me the rest I need. This week, I have been trying to rest less and let God provide the rest for me, and as a result, I have procrastinated less on tasks and have had less regret at the end of the day. Even though I have done less sitting on the couch, I have had more than enough energy to get me through the day, maybe more. I do believe that we need rest and even long periods or seasons of rest, but I'm trying to think less in terms that I deserve it and more that God provides it.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Day 14: Independence Day
Happy 4th, Ya'll!
"May we think of freedom not as the right to do as we please, but as the opportunity to do what is right." - Peter Marshall
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Day 13: Do Different
So, yes, I have not blogged for the last two days. If I recall when I said I was going to be blogging for 30 days, I didn't say 30 days in a row. So, I'm going to keep trucking on!
Josh has been off work this week, which has been great because we have been able to do a lot of fun things as a family. Because he has been off, I have been both more productive and less productive than I usually am. If that makes sense. I think we have all had times when we feel that there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything accomplished. I have definitely had more than my fair share of days like that. I can't even count how many days I get to 10PM and realize that I haven't done my bible study, haven't worked out, and the list goes on and on. During one of those days this week, I thought back on the day and what I had done and realized that my day consisted mostly of things that weren't on my to-do list. They were either mindless activities like watching tv or playing Candy Crush, or they were things I could have done later. I began to realize that the days I was the most stressed were the days that I didn't get my priority things done. My immediate thought was that I needed to less in order to fit everything I wanted to do in, and then I thought about all the things that I do on a daily basis that take up so much time that aren't necessary. Then it hit me, I don't need to do less, I need to do different. I began to list in my head the things I wanted to get done, in order of priority. Instead of leaving the most important things for the end of the day, how about doing them first? What a novel idea! Then on a slow day, I'll be able to watch that tv show off the DVR, and on a crazy day, at least I will have gotten the things done that I really needed to. Before Landry was born, it seemed like I could do everything in one day, even if I procrastinated until after dinner. It's amazing how one little baby can wreak havoc on your schedule. Although I do love all his little interruptions, they do not make for a productive momma. It has taken me almost 10 months to figure out this new version of productivity. I'm getting there slowly but surely to the new normal.
Josh has been off work this week, which has been great because we have been able to do a lot of fun things as a family. Because he has been off, I have been both more productive and less productive than I usually am. If that makes sense. I think we have all had times when we feel that there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything accomplished. I have definitely had more than my fair share of days like that. I can't even count how many days I get to 10PM and realize that I haven't done my bible study, haven't worked out, and the list goes on and on. During one of those days this week, I thought back on the day and what I had done and realized that my day consisted mostly of things that weren't on my to-do list. They were either mindless activities like watching tv or playing Candy Crush, or they were things I could have done later. I began to realize that the days I was the most stressed were the days that I didn't get my priority things done. My immediate thought was that I needed to less in order to fit everything I wanted to do in, and then I thought about all the things that I do on a daily basis that take up so much time that aren't necessary. Then it hit me, I don't need to do less, I need to do different. I began to list in my head the things I wanted to get done, in order of priority. Instead of leaving the most important things for the end of the day, how about doing them first? What a novel idea! Then on a slow day, I'll be able to watch that tv show off the DVR, and on a crazy day, at least I will have gotten the things done that I really needed to. Before Landry was born, it seemed like I could do everything in one day, even if I procrastinated until after dinner. It's amazing how one little baby can wreak havoc on your schedule. Although I do love all his little interruptions, they do not make for a productive momma. It has taken me almost 10 months to figure out this new version of productivity. I'm getting there slowly but surely to the new normal.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Day 11: Now That I'm a Mother
Now that I'm a mother, I am a lot of things that I was not before. One of them being a cryer. I have never been a cryer, but now my emotions are on overdrive. But it's a good thing. I feel things more deeply; I can connect with people on a deeper level than I could before. This weekend is worship weekend at Grace Family Church, and tonight Josh and I had the privilege of praying with several people during the service. One of them was a young lady who had just found out she was pregnant and her boyfriend split when she told him. She was visibly shaken and admitted how scared she was about the whole situation. As I was praying for her and thanking God for her unborn child and how he already had a plan for him, I got choked up and almost couldn't finish the prayer. While I was praying for her child, I couldn't help but think of mine and tears of gratitude began to flow.
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